Current State of Mind
Someone recently pointed out to me that they’ve noticed from my instagram page that I’m all about positivity...based on the quotes that are sporadically placed between editorial selfies, coffee whatnot. For the most part, it started out as little pep talks for myself...to get my positivity boost for all my aspirations, during my stressed days. I save stuff like that on my Pinterest boards called “Reminders” and “Pep Talks”. Then, I wanted to break up the amount of selfies I post, so I started sharing them on my Instagram and others could gain motivation also.
Now, I’m considered an entrepreneur. When I look at the businesses I run, I’m like, ok, I guess that’s what I am. Or, you just could just say I’m a creator. I do what I can do artistically, because that’s what I’m here for. I have a partnership business with my sister called Shan+Trina, LLC. We offer a lot of creativity skills. Mainly, Shan does event planning & staging that I help out on, and I do interior design as my profession. Aside from the main two categories, our clients request crafts, henna or graphic designs, etc. There’s more, but I won’t get into that right now.
Let’s talk about when I first realized that my old corporate world desk job wasn’t for me. Obviously, I thought it was...kind of. I remember being so excited and passionate in my interview. Even though it was an hour drive from my house, there wasn’t many firms that were hiring for the salary I wanted at the time. During that period, I was trying to buy a house for my daughter and I. It was hard on a commission based salary at the showroom I worked previously.
Once I had been acquainted with my co-workers, and gotten used to the workplace, the girl in front of me looked at me from behind her monitor and said, “Welcome to the rest of your life.”. It was in the midst of a lot of laughs and sarcasm that I didn’t understand yet because I was so new. I just remember thinking to myself, like, “Yeah, that’s what you think.”. I was happy to have a “good job” and all that, but I always knew the type of projects I wanted to work on, and I expected more freedom design-wise. There were so many barriers and constraints that were standardized there. After struggling to get up super early every day, take my daughter to school, and try to get to the office on time, it became very stressful. Most days I handled it, in makeup, heels and the best I could do with my wardrobe and hair. It could have been easier if I had not been worried about a beat face, and what hairstyle looked best on me. Dealing with my hair texture it’s very rarely a get-up and go the of day. Plus, I’m one of those bombshell chicks that does the most regardless.
Anyway, it was maybe a year when I began feeling like I needed motivation. I started out looking for motivational/inspirational videos that I could listen to while I work. I began with one of the richest women in America, Oprah. She had those interviews that talked about the aha moment and The Secret. Also, being into makeup, I had been listening to one of my favorite (Instagram) makeup artists, @makeupshayla. Shayla has a natural, fun, black girl personality that I can relate to, and her videos gave me good tips on applying makeup. On the drive home I would listen to her YouTube videos. These of course led me to another channel. I kept seeing this woman’s channel pop up in the suggested section. The thumbnail didn’t seem as glamorous and clear as Shayla’s did, but one day I was like, “OK, let me just click her channel. Maybe I could learn something.” The channel changed my life.
I won’t disclose the username on this blog, because she wouldn’t advise of certain people to be informed of how/why your behavior is changing. But, if you’re reading this and you are ready to change your life for the best, send me a DM on instagram and I’ll let you know. What I will tell you is that the videos are rather lengthy. Some may be 2hrs, some may be 3. Since I was driving for about two hours a day, this was fine for me to just listen to like a podcast (safety first ;-). The woman gives amazing eye-opening advice for women to recognize their self-worth. She is also kind of funny, witty, and will give you the tough love you need. If you’re not into the long videos, then there are several short books she’s published that are also very helpful in growing to a happier state of mind and self-love. After being awakened with the advice, I became soooo happy that I didn’t settle for a lot of crap in my life. Jobs, relationships, everything. I was happy that I didn’t get trapped in a situation that I couldn’t escape.
Often times in a social place, I would feel like I was the only one who was single. It was 4 years at that office of hearing, “my husband this, my boyfriend that”. I did my best to ignore the daily patterns of this, lots of times by being plugged in so I couldn’t hear it. I wanted to not be single. I needed help as a single-mother. I yearned for comfort and companionship from a man whom that I could call mine.
I deserve love.
Yes, there were cute texts. Yes, there were dates, gifts, and more...But there was also a void. A void in the family photo I always wanted.
I started implementing things my new virtual mentor suggested. I saw the change in what I attracted, the treatment I got. When I evaluated what I needed to be a better me, and be happier with my lifestyle....I realized I needed to have more time for myself. When I got home from working all day, it was usually after 7p. When I did the math of how much driving I was doing, it was about 10hrs a week. Why it took me so long to realize that? Idk. I just wanted my 10hrs to go towards something better than driving. I was drained. I still had to cook, help my daughter with her homework, dishes, laundry and do a bunch of other stuff that needed my attention. For instance, my mental health. I remember Oprah saying something like, you can’t pour from an empty cup, and how “your cup should runneth over.” So many times I just felt exhausted and told my daughter I was just going to relax for a few minutes to clear my mind, only to fall completely asleep for the night. I didn’t want that for her. I wanted to have good, loving energy for my baby girl. That is what she deserves.
(This is getting long, but I’ll wrap it up.)
In between working, I would get these random ideas of how I can make money and jot them down. The job wasn’t paying what I actually needed to be comfortable the way I wanted to be. I did try to negotiate a better salary, but they gave me a basic raise. I’m extremely grateful for that, and even more grateful for the discomfort of the struggle of making that work. However, I wasn’t okay with being okay with that. I’m not downgrading my goals for anyone. What I wrote down was a variety of ways I can make more than the salary I had. I knew I would be less overwhelmed, have more time to take care of myself, closer to my daughter’s school for when she needed me, and that would equal to a better lifestyle for me. I made moves outside of work and on the weekends to make these ideas happen. I set myself up to become self-employed. In the springtime of last year, I scripted a letter of resignation in my iPhone notes to HR dated August __, 2019. When August came, an opportunity came about that allowed me to make the move and print the letter. I manifested my way out, and into being my own boss.
I am happy, I have more time and patience for my little girl, and things are lining up properly for my life to be what I want it to be.
Thanks for reading.
Westphillybabe
Anyway, it was maybe a year when I began feeling like I needed motivation. I started out looking for motivational/inspirational videos that I could listen to while I work. I began with one of the richest women in America, Oprah. She had those interviews that talked about the aha moment and The Secret. Also, being into makeup, I had been listening to one of my favorite (Instagram) makeup artists, @makeupshayla. Shayla has a natural, fun, black girl personality that I can relate to, and her videos gave me good tips on applying makeup. On the drive home I would listen to her YouTube videos. These of course led me to another channel. I kept seeing this woman’s channel pop up in the suggested section. The thumbnail didn’t seem as glamorous and clear as Shayla’s did, but one day I was like, “OK, let me just click her channel. Maybe I could learn something.” The channel changed my life.
I won’t disclose the username on this blog, because she wouldn’t advise of certain people to be informed of how/why your behavior is changing. But, if you’re reading this and you are ready to change your life for the best, send me a DM on instagram and I’ll let you know. What I will tell you is that the videos are rather lengthy. Some may be 2hrs, some may be 3. Since I was driving for about two hours a day, this was fine for me to just listen to like a podcast (safety first ;-). The woman gives amazing eye-opening advice for women to recognize their self-worth. She is also kind of funny, witty, and will give you the tough love you need. If you’re not into the long videos, then there are several short books she’s published that are also very helpful in growing to a happier state of mind and self-love. After being awakened with the advice, I became soooo happy that I didn’t settle for a lot of crap in my life. Jobs, relationships, everything. I was happy that I didn’t get trapped in a situation that I couldn’t escape.
Often times in a social place, I would feel like I was the only one who was single. It was 4 years at that office of hearing, “my husband this, my boyfriend that”. I did my best to ignore the daily patterns of this, lots of times by being plugged in so I couldn’t hear it. I wanted to not be single. I needed help as a single-mother. I yearned for comfort and companionship from a man whom that I could call mine.
I deserve love.
Yes, there were cute texts. Yes, there were dates, gifts, and more...But there was also a void. A void in the family photo I always wanted.
I started implementing things my new virtual mentor suggested. I saw the change in what I attracted, the treatment I got. When I evaluated what I needed to be a better me, and be happier with my lifestyle....I realized I needed to have more time for myself. When I got home from working all day, it was usually after 7p. When I did the math of how much driving I was doing, it was about 10hrs a week. Why it took me so long to realize that? Idk. I just wanted my 10hrs to go towards something better than driving. I was drained. I still had to cook, help my daughter with her homework, dishes, laundry and do a bunch of other stuff that needed my attention. For instance, my mental health. I remember Oprah saying something like, you can’t pour from an empty cup, and how “your cup should runneth over.” So many times I just felt exhausted and told my daughter I was just going to relax for a few minutes to clear my mind, only to fall completely asleep for the night. I didn’t want that for her. I wanted to have good, loving energy for my baby girl. That is what she deserves.
(This is getting long, but I’ll wrap it up.)
In between working, I would get these random ideas of how I can make money and jot them down. The job wasn’t paying what I actually needed to be comfortable the way I wanted to be. I did try to negotiate a better salary, but they gave me a basic raise. I’m extremely grateful for that, and even more grateful for the discomfort of the struggle of making that work. However, I wasn’t okay with being okay with that. I’m not downgrading my goals for anyone. What I wrote down was a variety of ways I can make more than the salary I had. I knew I would be less overwhelmed, have more time to take care of myself, closer to my daughter’s school for when she needed me, and that would equal to a better lifestyle for me. I made moves outside of work and on the weekends to make these ideas happen. I set myself up to become self-employed. In the springtime of last year, I scripted a letter of resignation in my iPhone notes to HR dated August __, 2019. When August came, an opportunity came about that allowed me to make the move and print the letter. I manifested my way out, and into being my own boss.
I am happy, I have more time and patience for my little girl, and things are lining up properly for my life to be what I want it to be.
Thanks for reading.
Westphillybabe
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